Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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