you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
