my phone needs a breathalizer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
handjob tips. give me some.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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