I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
