i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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