And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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