hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
