I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
