Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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