i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
