So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
