I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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