Moan for me like Helen Keller
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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