Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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