lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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