Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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