Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
