Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We are all done wearing pants today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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