I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
