I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
