I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
