Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
