Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize