I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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