your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
