it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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