i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
