I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
