and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
love makes seman taste better
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
