You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
