Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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