I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
