Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
