i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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