1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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