he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I checked into jail on foursquare
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
