Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
