omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
