I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
