If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
