Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
