sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
