This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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