I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
