I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
