i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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