I hate all girls vehemently.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
