I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
