somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
