I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
