so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
