So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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