"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
