we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
