JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
