Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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