i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
