oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize