Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
