I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
