I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
