btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
