3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
