White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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