we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
