Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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