oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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