He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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