Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
