What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize