i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
