maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
