forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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