Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
