the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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