the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My friends, they love my intelligence
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
