did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
