I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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