Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
