oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
