If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize