the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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