In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
