They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
