oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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