the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
