theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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