Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've changed since you got that strap on
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