did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
