he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
