So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
