just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
