It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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