people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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